really? Really?? Are You KIDDING ME ?

Uggh, I’m tired. M.S. is exhausting. Yeah, I mentioned that already didn’t I? It’s not just the physical and mental crap we put up with….within our own bodies. It is having to wade through comments, sometimes ridiculous, other times aggravating. Most of the comments are made by well meaning people…..more often than not they are unsolicited.

Because there are so many well meaning people that genuinely want to help, you learn to listen, nod, and say thank you I’ll look into that.

Every so often there is a gold nugget in there….like someone saw an article about stem-cell research and MS, or that a new DMD is being approved. Those are helpful nuggets.

There are some annoying and kind of ‘out there’ suggestions too.

Some of the whacked out comments I have heard are:

  • “but you look fine.” – so…exactly how is someone with M.S. supposed to look?
  • “you should get some more sleep” – really, I hadn’t thought of that…
  • “so, do you still have M.S.?” – Seriously?????
  • “you should do the paleo diet” – ugggggh
  • “I heard they found a cure.” – lol….really?
  • “you shouldn’t exercise because it will make your M.S. worse.” – uh no, I like my finisher medals
  • “you should go on disability” – uggh, and live on that little bit of money…I like having things and spoiling my dogs…
  • “it will be EASY to get social security / disability” – oh, okay…have you ever successfully received either for having M.S.

Then there are the whispers and stares you receive when having a Really Really Really bad M.S. day. There are some decent days where you are doing pretty good but some days you wish you would have stayed in bed. Maybe you are uncoordinated when you walk, drag one foot a bit too much, talk with a little slur. All the sudden people are whispering and looking down at you….imagining (with their small little uneducated minds) that you are drunk.

It also aggravates the he** out of me when people with M.S. that park in handicapped spots (legally), get berated for ‘not being handicapped’ just because they don’t look disabled.

I dare anyone of those idiots to perform an M.S. experiment. Go without sleep for 36 hours, put on some moderately heavy ankle and wrist weights. Wear them throughout the 36 hour experiment. Cook with them, drive with them, shower with them, walk with them, etc. etc. Make sure it is a hot day. Right about 94 degrees should do it. Now go to the grocery store around 2:00 pm and park at the back of the parking lot. Get out and do the shopping. By the time one of those idiots got to the milk aisle they would be rethinking that handicapped parking spot thing. That is what M.S. fatigue feels like, and we have it for WAAAAAAY more than 36 hours. We can look GORGEOUS, STRONG, NORMAL…..still have M.S. and all the shit that goes with it.

But on the Bright Side……I have quite a few good days and not too many really, really, really bad days. I haven’t gotten to the special parking space stage yet….and hopefully won’t for a long time.

Went to the Neurologist Today….

lol….the picture has nothing to do with my trip to the Neuro. I just like the picture. I took it before one of the half marathons I ran a few years back. It was a very nice, brisk day. The water was just, Pretty.

Today was the big day….the monthly visit to the Neurologist. Yes, MONTHLY. I don’t have to go every month because I am having a hard time with my M.S. No, there is another reason, but in an effort to not cause WAVES….I’m keeping my mouth shut. Suffice it to say, I take some of my medicine because I CHOOSE TO WORK AND BE A CONTRIBUTING MEMBER OF SOCIETY. ‘Nough said !!!

So, YAAAAAAAY… major change to my meds. There was a possibility that the disease modifying medication I’m taking would change. It was possible that the Betaseron was no longer working for me. The Neuro looked over my last few MRIs and decided that there wasn’t enough of a change to warrant a med switch. Thank goodness. Lord knows I don’t want to get used to any new side effects.

I did research new meds though. I decided that if I had to get off Betaseron I would push for Mayzent…..I think that is how it is spelled. It is brand new…as in approved this past March…(I think).

BUUUUUUT, it’s awesome that I don’t have to worry about that.

I did ask however, to change anti-depressants. I have been taking Bupropion for about 15 years. I am starting to feel like a Zombie. Not good. I asked if I could switch to something else.

My end goal is to get off the Bupropion and 1 other medication. I hope that in the next few months I am successful.

Thank goodness for the best Neuro I have had in many years. She is amazing. She listens and she doesn’t “pooh pooh” any concerns I have. She doesn’t think of me as a whiner….That’s just not me. “oh I hurt…I need pain meds….pout, pout, pout…please give me….Something”. That’s not how I operate. She knows I am not that type of person, that I am not going to mention a problem unless there is really an issue. Even then, I don’t believe that every pain or problem requires drugs. I’ve always believed that I’d rather know what is going on within my body. If I hurt, it is my body alerting me to a problem. I’d rather feel it, acknowledge it, and figure out how to work with it. Hopefully I will be successful and find a resolution to my pain or whatever issue I am having without any EXTRA medicine.

Of course I am not unreasonable. There are limits. Acute relapses require some type of steroid intervention. Acute relapses are caused by inflammation and steroids help stop inflammation. If you stop the inflammation, you slow the damage that is occurring during the relapse.

Trigeminal Neuralgia is another exception to the rule. I know first hand why that illness is called the Suicide Disease. It occurs usually on one side of your face. Brushing your teeth, a slight touch, a breeze, even breathing causes excruciating pain. I envision that illness as a monster sitting back laughing at our pain…..”Ha, Ha….the jokes on you. Not even narcotics fix this pain.” That is true. It is HORRIBLE. There are people who have that illness ALL the time. It is a disease unto itself. The normal treatment for it is to cauterize the trigeminal nerve in the face. It can cause facial paralysis, but with that much pain most people don’t give a SH**. Burn the nerves and fix it.

Luckily for us with MS we have some recourse. We know the damage may just be caused by the relapse. Once the steroids take effect, the pain usually subsides. During that steroid dose an Anti-Seizure medication can help deaden the pain. Not stop it….but deaden it a bit. I think seizures affect the nerves in a way that may be a little similar to MS…..or MS can mimic the way seizures affect the nerves. Nevertheless, for those with MS, there is normally a resolution in sight.

Yes, I had this once. I first felt it when I went to brush my teeth one morning. I touched my toothbrush to the teeth on the left side of my mouth and was shocked by so much pain that I almost fell. It was a shock that reverberated through what felt like the entire bone structure on that side of my face. Think of that tuning fork your Neuro sometimes does tests with. Now hook it up to a source of electricity, smack that tuning fork hard on the table, and press it firmly against your face near the junction of the jaw and cheek bone. YUP…can make you pass out.

My Neuro prescribed a seizure med & a course of dexamethasone. About a week later the pain was gone. Alas, so were a few handfuls of my hair…. 🙁 …. but I really had no choice.

Sooooo, I veered off course a little bit. I was talking about my decision to take medicine or not depending on the situation. I take a DMD of course…. because DUH…..I want to still be walking in another 10 years. I also mentioned an antidepressant. MS does weird things to your brain. I don’t know if an area of my brain that controls emotions like happiness, sadness, elation, or depression has been affected by MS. Is that area severely damaged by plaques??? I don’t know. Does the DMD help cause depression or am I just one of the thousands of people prone to depression? I’ll probably never know. What I do know, is that thinking about turning the steering wheel and careening over the side of the bridge you drive over 2 times a day, for the last 20 years, is a BAD, BAD, thing. Not suicidal mind you. Just very apathetic about it. Wondering “Huh……it’d be so easy to just turn the wheel and go right over the side…..” I never thought “Oh I hate life, I want to die….tomorrow I’m going to drive over the side of the bridge.” Just the apathetic…Huh, I wonder what it would be like?.

See, I’m not Rabidly against taking medicine. I have a realistic view about what I can handle on my own, and what I can’t. I’m lucky my Neuro understands my stance on taking or not taking medicines.

Anyway I am trying out Effexor…(I think that is what it is called) starting tomorrow. Hopefully it will work wonders and I will be able to stop taking those other 2 medications without any problems.

Cross your fingers for me……and here’s to hoping for an uneventful new day!!

Happy Reunion and Anime…

Ahhhh, happy reunions. A few days ago my daughter made an unexpected visit to the southern part of the state. I of course told the boss I had to leave early….jumped in my car….and made the 2&1/2 hour drive down to see her.

I miss her terribly. She is my bestie. I unfortunately have only a few friends, many aquaintences…..but a small few that are true friends. My daughter used to tease me and say “I know I’m your best friend….you’re not my best friend….but I’m yours.” with a huge smile on her face. She half way meant it, and was totally correct. No hard feelings here though. I’m her mom….I will always be there for her….even more so than a best friend. Best friends can be with you for a few years, then be gone in a second. It doesn’t even have to be a bad parting of ways. People just grow, and move on. BUUUUUUT, I was soooo happy to see her.

We went and had Thai food for dinner, hung out in her hotel room for a bit, then went to a cool little hole in the wall place with an friend of hers. For privacy’s sake I’ll call him Mr. B. Mr. B took us to ‘Pangea Alchemy Lab’. Very cool decor, amazing desserts, and Mr. B bought me my very first glass of Absinthe. I found that I like Absinthe. I love black licorice and anise…. Absinthe has that flavor. If you are ever in Sarasota please visit Pangea. You’ll be glad you did.

Pangea Alchemy Lab….check out their page at:

Photo not mine……PHOTO BY RUSTY GREENE MAY 2019 (as seen top left)…entrance is in the back alley. Very Speak Easy-ish.
Photo not mine…..PHOTO BY SEBASTIAN CUARTAS JANUARY 2019 (as seen top left) very cool décor, walls look as if the building façade is peeling away so that you can see the brick underneath.

VERY, VERY, VERY, cool place. Sarasota Florida……check it out.

Back to me spending time with my daughter. She assigned me 3 new Anime series to watch as homework. 😉 Soul Eater, Seven Deadly Sins….and I can’t remember the other off the top of my head….something about a high school something squad. Good thing I wrote it down or I’d fail the assignment. lolol. I started with Soul Eater. I have to admit I like it…… It is too hot outside to actually leave the house for more than 10 minutes, or else I’ll get that “I become stupid and put my keys in the freezer” MS thing going on. SOOOOOOOOO I’m off to BINGE watch “Soul Eater”.

Heat and Multiple Sclerosis…….sooooo not on my list of favorite things

In the last post I mentioned that I live in a state that feels like it is situated on the outskirts of Hades. Well it is better than saying the outskirts of He**. It’s not evil here, it is just horribly HOT !!!

It so happens that I used to run at 2:30 in the afternoon 5 days a week. Yeah I was REALLY tan…….and it was HOT. It was okay for a few years. Then all the sudden I would start stumbling. I’d sway and ramble right off the sidewalk and MAN did I slow down. Not a little slower, but my feet were barely coming off the ground. That is probably why I was stumbling….I was tripping over my own feet.

On my long weekend runs (one approx. 13 mile run on Saturdays) I’d get STUPID. No other way to say it. My running route was a straight line. I’d leave from my house, run 3.3 miles in an almost straight line, turn around, run that same 3.3 miles toward home, and then do it all over again….out and back. On the last 3.3 mile leg in…I’d get lost. Not a turn down the wrong road lost, but a “Where the hell am I” lost. I knew I was out for a run and I knew I was on my way home, but for the life of me ‘NOTHING’ looked familiar. I was doing this run with a friend one Saturday and I suddenly had this ‘lost moment’. I told her I didn’t know where I was or how to get home. Being the wonderful person she is, she continued running with me until I figured out where I was.

Of course this was before I was diagnosed.

Other ‘getting STUPID’ things were…after said runs I put my keys in the freezer, couldn’t figure out how to work the shower, and sounded like I had an entire bottle of Tequila allllllll by myself.

On top of that, after the run I’d pass out on the couch. Not a fall and hit your head pass out, but the can’t keep your eyes open type of passing out. It was horrible. My little kids were home and here is a passed out mom, who put her keys in the freezer, stunk because she couldn’t figure out how to work the shower, and sounded like she was 3 sheets to the wind.

A while later, after my Introduction to the Monster, I found out, (during my ‘Major Book Retailor M.S. research trip’….. mentioned in a previous post), that Heat and M.S. don’t play well together. This M.S. induced heat intolerance is called Uhthoff’s Phenomenon. Wow…..way to sort of RUIN one of the few things I enjoyed doing. It isn’t like we have a “cool time of day” here. We’re are on our 4th treadmill since my M.S. epiphany. The garage does not have air conditioning so I still have the SAME heat problem…..just without the pesky sun part. My husband and son use the Damn thing more than I do and No, an electric fan does not help…..all it does is move around the HOT air.

M.S. doesn’t play nice in the heat. The heat sort of puts your brain on the fritz. See the electrical signals – the ‘do this now messages’ in a Healthy Brain, sort of skip along happily over nerve pathways. Kind of like playing hop scotch……before you add a rock to the mix, you hop from one square to the next. Easy Peasy. Nice and smooth….a quick hop hop hop.

In an M.S. Brain, lots of rocks have been tossed on your hop scotch board. You can’t easily hop from one square to the next. You are hopping all over the board, attempting to avoid the squares that contain rocks. You try to clear two boxes in a row, wobble, lose your footing, and fall. Not Fun.

On top of the….let’s admit it…..SAAAAD game of hop scotch, adding a little heat moves the game from the sidewalk to the wet, ceramic tile in the kitchen…….and you’re playing barefoot.

M.S. strips the myelin off of nerve cells in the brain. The ‘do this now messages’ are interrupted, slowed, staggered, or sometimes stopped all together. The ‘do this now message’ in a Heathy Brain sounds like this “lift left leg, lever it forward 2 feet, lower it to the ground, transfer weight, repeat same process with right leg”

The same ‘do this now message’ in an M.S. brain (that is negatively affected by the heat) sounds something like this “lift lt eg, lev r t forwa d………2 t, lowe …to h gr..nd, ansfe….eigh…t, same ith………”. LOLOL…..Yeah, try to walk a straight line with that.

My advice…..if you care to listen, is to find and stay inside of a building or car with……oh……so…..nice and icy air conditioning. If that isn’t available, get in a pool. Even a kiddie pool. Prop an umbrella over your head, wear dark sunglasses, lay back in the water, and just chill.

If those options aren’t within reach there is a wide array of personal cooling devices available:

  • Evaporative Cooling Towels –
  • Cooling Vest using some type of cooling pack technology – they have rave reviews but are on the expensive side. Anywhere from $100 USD to almost $400 USD……..said to be worth the cost if you are traveling and cooled areas are not available
  • Cooling Vest using evaporation technology – very effective. Uses water to jump start the cooling process. Best for individuals who are already very active outdoors.
  • Cooling Wraps and Cooling Hats using evaporation technology – very effective. I own a couple of the cooling wraps (the size of a small scarf). They are dipped in water, wrung out, and draped across the neck or head…etc. They stay cool for about an hour. Just enough to cool off after light outdoor activity.

There are many, many, brands on the market. Just search “Cooling Vests for Multiple Sclerosis” and you will see options at all price ranges.

I’m not listing manufacturers because there are so many. I haven’t tested these products from multiple manufacturers, so it isn’t right for me to recommend one brand over the other.

Iced Tea, Iced Coffee, Ice Cream, Slushies, Root Beer Floats, walk in coolers, cold showers, penguin house at the aquarium…….feeling cool yet ???

It is FREAKING HOT….and it is just the beginning

So, I live in one of those U.S. states that is close enough to the equator….for me to hate July and August…sometimes even June and September. You can only be outside for about 15 to 30 minutes before you can’t stand it anymore. If you have to be out longer you better have sun screen, a hat, some shade to rest in, a gallon of water, and a gallon of Gatorade. You need something to replace the electrolytes you are sweating out……and Gatorade at least tastes good. Even then you have to be careful of heat exhaustion and heat stroke.

Soooooo, I just walked my dogs….one at a time since they are crazy when together. It takes over an hour to get the job done. When you first step outside it’s like….’this isn’t too bad’……WRONG. At that point you are standing still…and you still feel cool from the air conditioned room you just stepped out of. I use the phrase air conditioned but it is still only cooled down to 78 or 79 degrees. When that temp feels good, you know it is HOT outside. One hundred steps from your door and you are sweating already. So as soon as I got home, I had to change out of my now gross clothes. The Humidity here in July normally runs between 80 and 95 %. Add that to temps of the low to mid 90’s and you feel like a lobster thrown into a stock pot. Gross.

Sometimes you have 4 different pairs of clothes a day. First there is the walk the dogs in the morning clothes. Humidity is the worst in the morning. Then you have your work clothes. There are the walk the dogs after work clothes, then the dry around the house clothes. You probably also have pajamas so we are up to 5.

While a large part of the world has 4 seasons, this state has only 2. Summer and Hurricane. The Summer season and Hurricane season happen to also overlap. Some years we may have a couple weeks of Autumn in December and January and might have a week or two of spring in February. The rest of the year is either Summer, Hurricane season, or both.

Right now we are in month 2 of the 2019 Hurricane season. One of our neighboring states just had a Cat 1 Hurricane a couple of days ago. They are a very WET state right now.

I’ll post the info for Hurricane ratings soon. The Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Wind Scale….in case you are interested and feel like playing with Google.

I’ve been through a few Cat 1, 2, and 3s. We were skirted by a few Cat 4s, and we’ve had a couple 5s do our state some significant damage.

Evacuating is an exercise in frustration so we normally don’t do it. There are only a few roads going North out of the state, which is the way you have to go in an evacuation. I don’t want to be stuck on the road during the actual storm. At home I have food, water, a generator, hurricane shuttered windows, my dogs….my bed….and privacy.

Anyway, I am waiting to see how this year’s Hurricane / Summer / Hurricane season treats us.

Word/Words of the day

Absurd –

I like the word Absurd. I’ve always thought of it as a Pretty way of saying something is preposterous, illogical, ludicrous, highly unreasonable, and extremely foolish. It just sounds SOOOOO Proper. When I hear the word Absurd in my head….it is always being said by Julie Childs.

  • Installing a lightening rod in the middle of a thunderstorm is just Absurd

Absurdism –

lolol, this is an interesting one….. According to Daniel Miessler in Philosophy….Absurdism is:

  • the belief that a search for meaning is inherently in conflict with the actual lack of meaning, but that one should both accept this and simultaneously rebel against it by embracing what life has to offer……………one more time folks 🙂 🙂 🙂 …….the belief that a search for meaning is inherently in conflict with the actual lack of meaning, but that one should both accept this and simultaneously rebel against it by embracing what life has to offer

WOAAAAH, that is DEEP man, really deep ! LOLOLOL

So, the question is – Is the concept of ‘Absurdism’ truly Absurd ?

I guess this subject is supposed to be – What’s the meaning of Life? – level heavy.

Wow, meaning of life.

  • Is that a question that we are supposed to be able to answer ?
  • Would it be a ‘one meaning fits all type’ of answer ?
  • …….. is my meaning of life, your meaning of life, and their meaning of life ?
  • Is the answer different, depending on one’s religion ?
  • …….one’s political affiliation ?
  • ……’s financial status ?
  • ………one’s sexual orientation ?
  • ……’s level of success ?
  • ………one’s gender identity ?
  • ……’s sense of self ?
  • Can the meaning change….. is it mutable with each new life experience and the understanding that those experiences bring ?
  • If we were handed the meaning of life, would we be able to accept it ?

Personally, I would rather Experience life than break it down into little, tiny, quantifiable pieces. I’d rather be kept guessing…..I’d rather accept that I may never know the answer if it allows me to continue playing the game.

Roll the dice, move that game piece, and win or lose……..I get to enjoy spending time with friends and family.


Common and Rare Symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis

Common Symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis :

  • Fatigue
  • Numbness / Tingling
    • Paresthesia
    • Lhermitte’s Sign
  • Walking / Gait Problems
  • Weakness
  • Spasticity
  • Vision Problems
    • Optic Neuritis
  • Dizziness and Vertigo
  • Bladder / Bowel Problems
  • Sexual Problems
    • Difficulty Reaching Orgasm
    • Erectile Dysfunction
  • Pain
    • Stabbing
    • Burning
    • Aching
  • Cognitive Changes
    • Memory
    • Concentration
    • Attention
    • Visual Perception
  • Emotional Changes
  • Depression
  • MS Hug (Banding)
  • Muscle Spasms

UPDATE…adding FUMBLING WORD VOMIT…..It’s real. lolol, look it up.

Less Common Symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis

  • Speech Problems
    • Aphasia
    • Verbal Fluency
  • Swallowing Problems
  • Breathing Problems
  • Seizures
  • Tremors
  • Hearing Loss
  • Migraines
  • Pseudobulbar Affect (out-of-control / out-of-context laughter or crying)
  • trigeminal neuralgia
  • Dysesthesia – burning sensation, pins and needles, feeling of bugs crawling on skin
  • Pulfrich phenomenon – a problem with 3-D vision and object movement. Somewhat like optical illusions. (from what I understand)
  • Excessive Itching with no apparent cause

P.S. those pictures are of my brain :), ain’t they cute?


‘this is my brain…..this is my brain on M.S. Drugs…. any questions?

Yes….1 hour and 25 minutes until the WEEKEND ! Just have to survive that laaaaaaast little bit. I am at lunch right now. Took it late because I was right in the middle of a project and didn’t want to lose the momentum. So, now I just have to lay low….basically hide in my cubicle….type quietly….ignore the phone…and maybe I’ll be invisible. Uggh, I am just TIIIIIIIRED. Brain tired, body tired, totally tired. M.S. will do that to you.

That M.S. fatigue is a REAL thing. I figure, it’s because our brains are trying to create and use new pathways to complete tasks that now scarred/dead areas used to do. I mean, aren’t a lot of those pathways created while we are still hooked to our moms by the umbilical cord? Isn’t that what our brains are doing for the first few years of our life? Our brains are mapping areas for language, math, speech, and every other function our bodies carry out everyday. Our brain is the master puppeteer. “Be hungry, be happy, be angry, blink, breathe, pump the heart, lift left leg….put left leg down….repeat with right leg….move forward, laugh, cry, think, pee, reason, add, divide, run, play music, be artistic, yawn, hiccup…….etc. etc. etc.

People with M.S. end up with damage to areas of the brain that help get the above tasks done. Some people have a hard time walking, speaking, reasoning, talking. The possibilities for problem issues are huge. Now, to continue living and functioning, our brains try to fix themselves. Sometimes it is quick, and very successful. The longer you have M.S. though, the slower the repair gets…and you can only try to fix the same spots so many times. All that fixing is EXHAUSTING.

That is my take at least. I mean, if I didn’t take 2 different medicines to keep me awake and able to concentrate during the day I’d be a pile of pudding. I mean I’d be flat out on the couch not moving for most of the day.

Before I knew I had M.S., somewhere between 2001 and 2004, I’d get up, take my elementary school children to school, pick up my carpool work buddy, go run on the beach, go to work, leave work and get the kids, drop of said carpool work buddy, and go home. After getting home I would immediately try to get a Really, Really, Really quick dinner together. Hot Dogs and macaroni and cheese, spaghetti noodles with sauce or butter if we didn’t have sauce, soup and grilled cheese…..easy, quick food. I’d play 5 minutes of fetch with Abagail Saree Sweet (the worlds most AWESOME, LOVING, PERFECT, Chocolate Lab). – I miss my Abbsie Wabbsie….but she is in Doggie Heaven now – . I’d feed the cats and Miss Wabbsie. Then I would go back to the room and promptly fall asleep by 6:30 p.m. I was soooooo tired that I could sleep until the next morning. I wouldn’t do that very often though. I would force myself to get up around 8:00 or 8:30, bathe the kids, and get my babies ready for bed. I’d get the kids clothes, my work clothes and my running clothes set out for the next day.

That was it…..It was all I could do. The husband wasn’t happy of course……I was ALWAYS tired. I had to make sure everyone ate….bathed….and went to bed. That was all my tired self could handle. I couldn’t even sit on the couch when I came home. I would be out within 10 minutes.

UGGH…..TIRED. Well now I FEEL less tired. My alertness is caused by medicine, but shit….I’ll take that over sleeping my life away.

Apples and Medicine…..Apples actually go better with Peanut Butter….

Yeah, If you haven’t tried it before….apples and peanut butter….AMAZING. I think I ate that for breakfast everyday for 2 years straight.

lol…..that was back when I was a really ‘Healthy M.S. Patient’ though. Yeah, back when I was still running 35 miles a week and working out 5 days a week. Way back when there was such a tiny, tiny, tiny, percent of body fat……I was sooooo skinny. But I was totally fit. Muscular and skinny. OH those were the days !!!!! lolol….right about 13 years ago. My 30’s were the best.

Back to REALITY.

I don’t eat nearly enough apples anymore…..and since I don’t eat apples…..I don’t eat peanut butter. Beautiful, yummy, peanut butter. The best is the stuff that you have to stir. The real stuff that isn’t already smooth because of all the weird stuff in it. The real stuff has character, a little too soft, not very sweet, EXCELLENT with a drizzle of honey, and of course the perfect partner to apples. Any apples. I really like it with Granny Smiths. It is just delicious. Peanut Butter is also fabulous with Marshmallow Fluff. MMMMMMM Fluffer Nutters………Now I am hungry.

When you have M.S. usually no matter how healthy you are (like I used to be) you have to take some kind of medicine. In my case it is Disease Modifying Medication, medicine for depression, seizure medication, medication so I can concentrate at the job I still need, another so my weird m.s. related wacked out Narcolepsy type issue doesn’t have me zombie-ing out approx. 4 times a day, then the medicine that keeps the neuropathy in my forearms in check. That stuff hurts so bad that I can’t type. Used to bring me to tears. There are also the Biotin and ALA that help prevent Brain Atrophy, D3 and B12 because I am deficient……yadda, yadda, yadda, etc. etc. etc. There are more vitamin supplements I am supposed to take…but I get sick of taking it all. I’m on strike…..I’m only good with the main medications…..any med after the neuropathy stuff gets missed every so often. Well maybe I miss it more than every so often…..I’m sooooooo not good at taking those. UGGH. These damn things become another meal. Who needs another meal.

Anyway, I think I need more Apples and Peanut Butter……and I’ll try to be better taking that other meal everyday.

….an Apple a Day keeps the Doctor Away…..Nope….Not that Simple….

Well folks, I believe I was diagnosed with M.S. on May 25th 2004. The first time I saw a Neurologist it was…..”you most probably have M.S. ……well No…..You Definitely Have M.S……I am diagnosing you with Multiple Sclerosis.” This was with only 2 MRIs under my belt. I hadn’t had a lumbar puncture yet. Just 2 MRI visits. 1 that the Doctor treating my stress fracture made me get….because of my offhand question about pinched nerves and shocks down my back when I bent my neck. The other set my new Neuro sent me for …..before he even saw me.

I am a pragmatic sort. I tend to be a glass is 55% full, individaul. I hover juuuuuuuust above ‘Oh Sh*t this Sucks’ and… sort of….at ‘Well Damn, at least I don’t have to make a Goodbye video for my kids’. As I mentioned in a previous post, I was actually relieved to be diagnosed with M.S. Considering all of the other Very Scary things out there, I got the better end of the bargin. If something has to be wrong with my BRAIN…..I’d rather it be this, than anything else. I’d rather be Alive and possibly in a Wheelchair, than Walking but soon Dead.

Mind you, this doesn’t mean that I don’t feel sorry for myself every so often. Those little pitty parties are usually followed by loads of guilt and self loathing when I remember there are people out there who ARE recording ‘Goodbye Videos for their kids’. Who am I to feel sorry for myself when others have it soooooo much worse off than I do?

I do though, allow myself a few minutes of ‘oh woe is me’ time every so often. I only allow a few minutes of it. I then promptly kick myself in the A** and remember the people making those heart wrenching videos.

The universe, such as it is, has allowed me to watch my (at my diagnosis) elementary school children…..grow into well adjusted adults that are hardworking, contributing members of society. My youngest is now a Senior in College. My daughter graduated a little more than a year ago, and moved half a country away for a good job. We miss each other terribly. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful relationship with my children. They never gave me any trouble at all and they grew up to be very caring individuals. (end of mom’s sappy brag).

Anyway…..flashback about 27ish years……It was my 16th birthday I think…..or somewhere close to it. I still remember what I was wearing. It was a pea green pair of BONGO jeans and a long sleeve, airy, floral button up shirt. My hair was long and had that “Big Bangs” thing that was still hanging around from the 80’s. I was living in Merritt Island Florida with my mom and baby brother. I believe my boyfriend had just left my apartment. I was walking towards the hallway but stopped and turned around to watch the TV. I think it was the news or one of those 60 minutes type shows.

They were talking about Annette Funicello. It had to be in 1992 because that was when I turned 16. As the story ended on TV, I turned to my mom and offhandedly said…..”I’m going to end up with that….that is what I will die from”. I can remember my mom saying ‘Why….why do you think that?’ and my nonchalant answer was ‘Oh I don’t know, just because….that’s what it will be’. The story had been about Annette coming out about having Multiple Sclerosis.

I didn’t think about that moment again until I told my mom I had MS. My moms jaw dropped and she reminded me of my out of the blue comment.

Kind of strange… putting….and precognizant. I had said that to my mom…never really even thinking about whether I was being serious or not. Strange….all I can think is that maybe I had been experiencing a few of the things Annette had mentioned dealing with during her time with M.S. Maybe I was jokingly flinging that comment out there as a half hearted explanation for some of the things I had been feeling. I guess I won’t ever really remember. Mind you I was diagnosed 12 years after my 16th bday so a bit of time had passed since my comment to mom.

Anyway….a week or so after my diagnosis I started taking one of those lovely things called Disease Modifying Medication…Betaseron….lovely every other day shots. Lots of Flu symptoms until I got smart and took Advil right before I did the shot…..which I did right before bed. Took 6 weeks to get past feeling like I had the flu, body aches, chills …etc. Also a good thing that I am not afraid of needles. It isn’t fun, but I do it.

But as with many people who have MS. That type of medication is only one of many that we have to take. We have to fight fatigue, D3 deficiency, B12 deficiency…..nerve pain….muscle spasms….etc. ………More Medication to Go Around….