Yup, now it has a name. That EVER ANNOYING loss of words we with M.S. suffer. Right in the middle of a conversation your mouth stops moving…you are blubbering…getting more nervous with every second. The more nervous you get, the worse the blubbering gets. The person you are talking to is staring at you, expecting some sort of response. You can SEE the word spelled out in your head. You see a picture of the thing you want to talk about. You just can’t spit it out of your mouth. You feel the situation getting worse. You still haven’t said anything….It is going on 45 seconds and you have a very pained look on your face. You TRY to spit out the word. You make the shape of the first letter with your mouth….air blows through your lips….but no sound comes out. You hope, hope, hope, and hope some more that the person you are trying to talk to just thinks you have a stuttering problem. Issues with stuttering are so well known now that no one thinks twice about it. This whole time you are wishing you could speak and moreover you are hoping you don’t look like a moron. Finally something falls out of your mouth. It sounds forced and maybe slightly slurred. You think about what you just said and are horrified. What you said had nothing to do with your conversation. It was totally out of left field. Oh My God….you are mortified. How do you recover from that?
This happens to me ALL the time. It happens more when I am stressed or under pressure, when I have been put on the spot.
My boss knows about my M.S. and has been very understanding. He has been a friend and supported me through the bad M.S. times. As my boss he has a job to do and the job isn’t always easy. Sometimes he briefly forgets about my struggle with this issue. When he is aggravated he gets loud and will put his workers on the spot with difficult questions. I inevitably end up stuttering and blubbering….I feel like an idiot….I have to squeeze my eyes shut….turn away and hope that the STUPID word finally flies out of my mouth.
On lucky days I can eventually get the word out, even if it is a little late in the conversation. On bad days, I clam up, get pissed off, and give him the glare. I will just shrug my shoulders, look him in the eye, and refuse to speak. Usually he gets the picture, relaxes, and takes the pressure off. Once that happens I can usually coax my brain into behaving.
I found out today that this is called….wait for it………………………………..wait for it…… Fumbling Word Vomit.
LOLOLOLOL…..really??? I love it. That is a perfect name for it. It expresses the anger and disgust that us with M.S. feel every time we are struck dumb with one of these episodes. Fumbling Word Vomit…..BWAAAHHHHHAAHAHAHA… I want that on a shirt. “Beware, conversations usually result in a severe case of Fumbling Word Vomit.”